Discipline--or lack thereof

"Maybe God's just not calling to you to that." These were my sweet husband's words when talking about going to She Speaks last year. He told me that it sure looked like God was calling me. My question was how could God call me to speak or write when I wasn't keeping house like I should.

So today I pulled out Edith Herr's Introduction to Christian Writing and sat in the middle of my not so clean house and read about writing and pondered the state of my home.

For a brief moment at the very beginning of 2009 I had a somewhat organized schedule. I included time for teaching and planning school, time for homemaking(minimal time :] ), time to exercise (even more minimal), and time for ministry. For that blip of time my life ran smoothly. I've decided that I'm going to get back to it. But first, I need to know how did I get out of the routine I was working so hard at?

Was I just tired of it? Was it the challenge of having a routine in a home with constantly changing schedules? Did I just get lazy? Do I really in my heart of hearts think it's better to be flexible and not boxed in? It certainly does make it easier to make others happy if I'm not tied to a schedule. I like being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don't care for keeping a schedule. I want to be free. But really what am I free for? To live in a house that isn't kept as well as I'd like? To feel guilty?